2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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