oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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