you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
