I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
