singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize