All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
