So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
