What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The adults are the big ones right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
