I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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