Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
