I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
