Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
