He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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