i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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