You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
