I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
