I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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