thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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