I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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