Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
