She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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