u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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