now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize