I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
