we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
