I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
