Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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