Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
