Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize