How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
