Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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