Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize