I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
