Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
