We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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