My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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