People in love make me want to vomit
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
