This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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