She is in my trunk
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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