Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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