If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
