She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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