dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
