Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
