he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
