I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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