Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
