I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
