hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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