In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
