i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize