I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
