i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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