as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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