My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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