Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
