you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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