I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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