Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize