I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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