i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
